Well, the third year ended just over a month and a half ago. The past two month have been somewhat of a blur. With back to back finals — having to test from 8am to 7:30pm with only an hour break is NOT a vibe let me tell you — I started to find it hard to breathe. My life was starting to become claustrophobic, just slightly. And then when I was finally mentally ready to move to Berk for the summer, I got frickin covid. At least I wasn't alone. One of my close friends happened to test positive with me, not very surprising as we would spend most of our time together. Anywho, I had a mega delema. I was set to move to Berkeley to start my internship at LBNL but now I couldn't move for obvious reasons, honestly I could hardly move from my bed. I had also sublet my apartment in Westwood already and hence had nowhere to go besides San Diego, or Berkeley, neither of which sounded like a particularly good idea and I was so so tired and just wanted to sleep. Lucky for me, my friend let me stay (thx dude).
Well after a really rough two weeks of covid and having to work remotely, I was ready for my big move. My car was already packed and all that was left was to drive. Crazy thing is my friend also had to go up to the bay so why not kill two birds with one stone. He came along for the drive.
Anyways, I made it to Berkeley and started working on site. It was so very much different than working remotely and honestly so so much better. Being able to go to meetings in person makes such a big difference.
I am currently in my sixth week of my internship and still just as confused as before. Turns out doing research is very much unlike school. There is no direction and no follow the model. It is very much self driven with self discovery and analysis of outcomes. It is me who decides which steps to take next.
I have been working on a model for high performance cancer cell migration. Basically, when a tumor forms, it grows over time and cells leave the tumor, spreading cancer throughout the body. It has been discovered that it is the interior cells of the tumor that somehow make their way out to infect the rest of the body. It is not really known why this is, there is still SO much unknown about cancer and its innerworkings. I'm slightly convinced it has a brain of its own hahah. But my research focuses around finding the forces to push the cells out. I have made a lot of progress but am still so far from being done. Recently, every simulation I have run has produced outcomes that I have not expected. Kind of crazy actually. But this makes it difficult to figure out my next steps.
This internship has helped me figure out what I want to do with my life. I think I could be content for the rest of my life if I worked at a National Lab.
Little did I know that I would be given the opportunity to extend my internship till December. I agreed to it fairly quickly (as they were set to interview others for the position so I needed to decide if I wanted to take it). So now I guess I am in the bay until December. My graduation will not be pushed back, I'll still graduate come spring. It is just a little overwhelming and crazy to wrap my head around. Like how the heck did I go from studying for my LSAT to working at a National Lab??? No idea. At least I will now have time to apply to grad schools in the fall.
It just scares me that I'll be so far from everyone I know and everything I have known. LA is the easy option, putting myself out there and doing the work is the hard one. That's why I know this is right. Because nothing good ever comes easy.
Anyways, after I wrap up my paper on cancer cell migration (don't worry I’ll share it with all of you), I will be shifting to working with ballistic phonons. Really exciting stuff.
I hope to get back out to the Sierra soon, as that is where I am able to find myself and reset. But for now, the trails behind my house here in Berk will have to do.
xx